It was awful how beautiful she was. Truly, it was sickening. In his peripheral, Elias watched Delia as she stared out the window of their Uber, which they'd gotten as to not be caught drunk without a ride home. He wasn’t sure what to expect from the party Delia had gotten them invited too, but it surely wasn’t anything this fancy. Her blonde hair was in loose curls, not a strand out of place as it lay over her bare shoulders. Her dress sparkled in the light of the setting sun, the emerald color doing nothing but wonderful things for her. It fit her perfectly, showing her figure in a way that made her look like a fantasy. The slit that led up to her thigh made the sexiness elegant, and he was instantly reminded of the wealthy place she came from. 

She forced herself not to look at him, though she knew she would have to eventually. There was something about guys wearing black that got her every time without fail, and he was wearing a black-on-black tuxedo that fit just right. She didn't know he could look so graceful and put together. She only ever saw the suburban, rugged, boyish look on him. She never expected to see him like this, and she never expected it to look this good. His hair was styled so perfectly it made her want to run her hands through it just to put it back to normal. It pained her to sit next to something so beautiful, but not be able to reach out and touch it. Then, she remembered.

“I have something for you,” she said, her voice tight and harsh. Elias looked away quickly, trying to act as though he hadn’t been watching her for the last few minutes.

“What?”

Delia reached into her tiny black purse and pulled out a silky bag. Elias leaned forward in curiosity. Why would she have something for him, especially right now? If she pulled out a tiny bottle of vodka, he swore—

“A bowtie.” Her delicate fingers pulled out a velvet, emerald green bowtie.

“Why?” Elias scrunched his eyebrows together, staring at it in confusion. 

“To match, obviously.” She gave him the nastiest look she could manage and he flinched in shock at her angry tone. He didn't understand why she was so upset all of a sudden. In fact, she'd been angry all afternoon, ever since they started getting ready to leave. “The least we can do is look like we came together.”

He didn’t know it, but he was bothering her. He looked frustratingly phenomenal.

“Okay, I'm sorry, jeez.” He felt bad for the Uber driver who had to listen to their bickering. “Give it to me.”

He held his hand out, waiting for her to place the velvety fabric into his palm. Instead, she glared at him for a moment before grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him closer.

“You're not going to do it right,” she mumbled as she reached for his neck and untied the black bow he wore. A fire was set alight where her fingertips encountered his skin. She kept her eyes trained on the bowtie, but all he could do was look at her. There was no alcohol involved, and he knew there was no running from the fact that he liked the smell of her perfume. He held his breath for what felt like eternity as she tied the bow and finally leaned back to admire her work.

“I could've done it.” He loosened it a bit before looking out the window, where the venue came into view.

“Took you twenty minutes to do the other one.” She didn't leave a moment for waiting when the car stopped. She got out immediately and stood, straightening out her dress and placing her hair just where she wanted it to be. He wanted to open the door for her, but that plan was already out of question. He should've known better.

“Where am I meant to be? It's not here, I'll tell you that.” Her voice cracked as she made a sarcastic laugh. She tried her hardest to hold back the tears that threatened to create a river on her cheeks. She'd been crying too frequently lately and it needed to stop. She was losing herself.

“You have to start at the bottom to learn how to grow. And one day, when you're supporting yourself and living life just how you want to, you'll realize you never could've had that without going through what you went through.”

“And how am I supposed to get to that point, huh? Where the fuck am I supposed to go now? What am I supposed to do right now?  The only idea I have is somewhere in Maryland and I don't even want to be there, but Derek is there. He's all I have.” 

“You have me, though.” Elias frowned and stroked his thumb on her cheek. Her body was shivering even though they stood in the August heat. She was afraid, anxious and unsure. For the first time in a long time, she actually wanted to have a plan.

“Don't say that.” She shook her head out of his hold and took a step back.

“Why not? It's true, isn't it?”

“No, it's not. I've known you for three weeks. Things don't work like that.”

“Actually, they do.” He smiled at her with straight teeth and bright eyes. “We got to know each other, now we're friends. We keep getting to know each other, we get closer, we help each other, we support each other... that's how friendship works.” He laughed because it was something so obvious to him. She couldn't say the same. Clubs and parties didn't amount to a real relationship of any sort. Any 'friend' of hers was only a friend for so long. It would last a few days at most before they realized what they'd gotten into and left.

“You're going to see it someday,” she said, voice coated in despair. Her eyes were dead and her face had fallen completely still and serious. His smile faltered. It broke his heart to see that she truly felt she wasn't worth anybody's time. She really did think he was going to get tired of her and leave.

“See what?”

“Don't you realize who you're talking to?” Her tone grew hostile and he knew he was losing her. “I don't do friends. Never have, never will. It's just not in me and it doesn't make sense at this point. I have a shit brain and don't know how to think or act, and you're going to get tired of it. It's just a fact. It's better to accept that sooner rather than later.”

“Fine.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. While she was battling her own thoughts, he was placing words to something he'd known all along: she was afraid of commitment, plain and simple. Everyone left at some point, and everyone turned on her. She never had someone stick around. He thought that the idea of someone who may get just a little too close to her was threatening. With that in mind, he tried to play his cards as best as possible.

“We're not friends, then. We're just two people who went on a road trip and talk sometimes. Nothing serious, just... you and me, alone together.” 

When she looked back up at his clear blue eyes, she could see him fighting a smile on his perfectly shaped lips. She admired him for a moment. Somehow, with each passing day, he was getting better and better at knowing just what to say. He let his grin take over when they locked eyes.

“Alone together.” She repeated, solidifying their terms of agreement. They were two people who walked alone, but sometimes they existed in the same world at the same time.

Excerpts from Springhaven:

“I’m proud of you,” Hazen said softly as he stopped in front of my door. I looked up at him with surprise. I couldn’t say I was proud.

“Thanks,” I replied. Not just for the compliment, but for everything. I turned to walk inside, but when I heard his boots kicking dirt as he walked away, I swung back around.

“Hazen?” I called. He turned and looked at me with his hands stuffed in his pockets. His eyebrows were raised just slightly, showing me that I could say anything and he would answer with gentle kindness. I hesitated regardless, the words on the tip of my tongue, but I sighed and shook my head instead. “Never mind.”

“If you need something, you can ask me,” he assured. I slumped my shoulders and looked at his perfect olive skin, his deep cheekbones. I wasn’t even sure how someone so beautiful could live. He wasn’t just a work of art, he was lovely. He was analytical and intelligent and quick to make the right decisions. But he was also so good-hearted, and I knew deep within, he was full of love.

“I don’t want to sleep alone,” I admitted. He looked at me with fire playing in his eyes. An indescribable emotion ripped through my bones, and while I tried to ignore it, I knew what it meant. He gave me a small smile.

“I’ll be right back, then.”

And off he went to grab his things. It was as easy as that.

I refused to pay attention to the fluttering heart in my chest. I was just his god, and he was just a soldier following orders. Serving, and nothing more.

When I finally caught my breath and filled my lungs with humid air, I realized I was the one who was scared.

I was so damn scared.

Mia put her gentle fingers on Nevia’s neck and found her pulse, confirming with a smile. But she frowned at her cold, clammy skin.

“I’m going to run the kettle upstairs and grab a hot water bottle. It was good that you took off her wet clothes; I’ll find something dry.” Mia grabbed a small, rickety wooden chair from the shadows as she retreated toward the apartment steps. “Sit down. She’ll be okay.”

I nodded and waited until Mia disappeared into the dark stairway before I dragged the chair beside Nevia’s bed and sat just beside her head. Her lips were pale, her cheeks far from full. I brushed away a bit of water that ran over her eyelid and another on her chin.

She was going to be okay. It was going to be fine, she probably just pushed herself too hard.

But as I looked at her unconscious body, I felt that sick fear run through me again. Because what if she wasn’t? What if she wasn’t okay? What if I hadn’t had enough time with her, and hadn’t told her how grateful I was that she came to Springhaven that day? How good it felt to finally find someone who always seemed to understand. How I knew I needed to have her that night she met me by the campfire and slept in my tent while it rained.

I had plans for us. I had plans to help her run this land, plans to make sure she ate every meal. I wanted to kiss her the moment it was all over and if she decided she didn’t want to play god… fuck, I think I would’ve run off into the plains with her if that was what she wanted. I would have killed every assassin or person that looked at her wrong. I would have thrown Aldwin to the wolves for ever having betrayed her and ruining her innocence.